Winter and I would like to take a moment to praise, appreciate and recognize our beloved son Mr. DiRrty Martini. For those of you who aren’t aware, we adopted our darling Beta fish this past February when Winter made a random purchase of a giant Martini Glass; since then our home and hearts have been filled with more love than we could have ever anticipated.
Here are the top ten reasons why you should consider having a Beta fish over a baby (now Mom’s don’t be too jealous):
1. He doesn’t cramp our style
• All my single ladies! -Winter and I can go to Happy Hour, stay at the beach, or even take a weekend trip AND you know what… Mr. DirRty does not bat an eye, shed a tear, or throw a fit. He simply glides through his Martini glass and gives us his blessing.
2. He wants us to spend our hard earnings on our$elve$
• For all of you mothers out there, don’t you sometimes wish you could be selfish, have a day at the spa, a new pair of jeans, or get those shoes in the window you have just been dying over? But instead you find yourself at Toy ‘ R us? Or you miss those trips to Target that cost you a hundred dollars, filled with the newest make up, wine, and books? Now you find your cart is full of diapers and rash cream instead of the inexpensive fish food at 5 bucks a pop once every 3 months (and that’s if we remember to feed him every day!). See this brings us to another great point, you can forget to feed Mr. DirRty and he doesn’t die, cry, or even get mad!
3. He listens and doesn’t talk back
• And you know when babies turn into toddlers and they start to talk back….well not only will Mr. DirRty Martini NEVER talk back; he also has no choice but to listen to us bitch and moan about OUR days. Kids can be so me, me, me. Not Mr. DirRty Martini. Now we’re not saying that he doesn’t act up. He HATES it when we have to change his water; he squiggles around and sometimes flops, hard, onto the counter top. He learns his lesson though, and jumps willingly back into his glass. Let’s be honest, no mom wants to raise her voice, and neither do we, but when we do, he can’t, and I repeat… he cannot talk back.
4. His toys don’t take over our house
• Come on mom’s you know how hard you try to keep those dolls off the counter, the legos off the stairs, and then bam! Right when you pick it up there’s a new mess in the other room….With Mr. DirRty he confesses to every mess he makes…no one else can cloud the water like he does.
5. He never wakes up us in the middle of the night
• With a beta fish like Mr. DirRty there are no 2am feedings, crying in the middle of the night, or diaper changes at ungodly hours. In fact, we have a mutual agreement; we don’t give DiRrty a bedtime as long as he doesn’t wake us up. He is free to swim about through the wee hours. Just like Winter’s mom taught us, wear earplugs, unplug your phone, and wake your dad up if you’re sick. Well since Mr. DirRty doesn’t have a dad (that we are aware of) he has no option but to obey this rule.
6. No dirty diapers or potty training
• Diaper genies…pssssssssssh not in our house! And you know how much diapers costs?!?! Well we don’t since we only have a fish, but rumor has it they are very expensive!
7. He’s not an attention whore
• As single ladies we get sick of hearing “look at the baby, look at the baby!”…and you know what we never hear “look at the beta, look at the beta!”…The thing is, we’re ok with that, and so is Mr. DiRrty. He likes to remain in our shadows and let his parents shine instead. He understands that we are first; he is second.
8. DiRrty doesn’t have crying fits or throw tantrums
• Fits and tantrums in the middle of the grocery store! How embarrassing….well guess what, if we don’t get DiRrty that candy bar or if he misses his nap, DiRrty acts like the mature Beta fish he is and just swims around and around at the brim of his glass….he may flirt with jumping out, but he never does. What a rascal!
9. He never has to be disciplined and is just a happy child
• And as mothers who likes to discipline their child? That’s right, no one. Well since he is water bound, spankings and timeouts are non-existent in our household. It really keeps things Zen and fung shui.
10. He gives amazing advice
• It’s almost like he’s a therapist and psychic all in one. We tell him our problem and he blows bubbles, swims faster, slower, or just lays there and wags his tail…which in fish language can be interpreted as “Have some champagne.” And you know what, after A LOT of research we’ve found that DiRrty is right…champagne can make any situation better and help soothe the most troublesome day away.
While all of you mothers can post updates and pictures about your baby…we will digress and not follow in suit as we would hate for you to be jealous of our new water child. Let us have this top ten list. Keep us posted on your pregnancies, babies, and children; but please do us this one favor… think of Mr. DirRty Martini and what a great addition he is to our home….who knows, maybe you have a single, childless neighbor that may be in need of a water child.
Keep on swimming,
Winter & Bianca
Look at that beta look at that beta is hilarious. I might put that in dad's quote book. Great great story.
ReplyDeleteI'm a beta lover too! I had one in my office, actually (RIP Sharkey - you are missed), which really spiced up the corporate environment.
ReplyDelete(Also - I like this new background MUCH better - the pink sort of hurt my eyes.)