“Soooo...when are you two crazy kids getting married?” “When are guys going to settle down and give us a grandchild?” "How bout' kid number 2?" These are annoying inquisitions all couples must face...and for us in singleton-ville, the dreaded question is and always will be: “Why aren’t you dating anyone?”
They must have amnesia…they must! How else could they forget how annoying it is to constantly dodge the same questions about why you're still alone, and living your life as a single lady? Regardless, we'd consider the "Do you have a boyfriend yet" question to be just as rude as congratulating a woman on being pregnant and asking when she's due. The truth…she's simply put on a couple holiday lbs and you're clueless remark has just led her to the kitchen for yet another sugar cookie….Do you think she's happy about the extra weight gain? I'm sure she's about as giddy as B & W attending another wedding without a date. Scratch that! Weddings are a great place to meet single guys…if your into one night stands-haha.
Once the "soooo…are you dating anyone" line is dropped, and you admit you're in fact still a "party of 1", you get the tilt of the head, a sympathetic smile then the back pedaling begins… They make remarks about how they miss being single, and “married life isn’t what it’s all cracked up to be", "enjoy your freedom” …OR if you're Winter they want to play fairy Godmother and set you up with a "great guy"…a guy they think could be…Dun dun dun…THE ONE! This brings us to Winter's blind date series of Frog's….
Blind Frog #1 - one 4th of July, my phone rings and it’s a work colleague: "Winter" she squeals, "OMG we're at our friends house and she has a cute young son around your age, he's so fun! Come over now and meet him"… Noticing my lack of response, she adds "We're playing beer pong!" Damn…beer pong is my weakness, but I did have plans. After explaining my day was already filled with festivities she stated she was going to get a picture of him to see if I'd be interested. The next day at work I receive an email with his visual enclosed. He seemed normal enough, no immediate red flags. So I did what all woman do since the creation of the internet...I Googled him. I began investigating to get his background info, what he does, where he lives, what he likes to do in his free time, etc….The emailing turned into texting, a phone call and eventually a date was set. We decided that he'd come by, pick me up and we'd grab dinner and drinks.
The day of the date, I was hitting the beach with Bianca…and to be honest really wondering what the hell I had gotten myself into. I wanted to trust my friend/colleague but at the same time this casual date was getting more blind by the moment….As I got home and ready for him to arrive, I decided that slamming a beer or 2 to loosen up was totally normal…ok it was actually 4 beers…but Bianca and I concur that this is still normal.
As I waited anxiously in the kitchen with Bianca, we hear our gate open, and not 1 but two MALE voices entered our complex. Oh just perfect, our guy friend (who has no idea I was blind dating) arrived at the same time as my Froggy #1! Talk about an awkward first introduction. "Hi I'm Winter, and this is my friend Brad who's here picking up my BFF Bianca"…then I gave Brad my best I-mean-business stare and stated "Yes Brad, this is a blind date now we're going to keep moving, Got it? "
As me and Blind Froggy # 1 walked to his car, he informs me he just bought it and is learning how to drive a stick shift. I smile and nod, as car talk does not interest me one bit. We back out of the drive way, make it about a half a mile…and ppfft pffft pfft... the car just dies in the middle of the road! Remember how I had those 2 (ok, ok…4 beers) before I left? Well it caused me laugh…the kind of laugh that's loud, uncontrollable and brings tears to your eyes. I mean when car is a lemon turn it into lemonade right? Well he didn't think the car dying was as amusing as I did. After a few minutes of stalling, the wonder vehicle eventually started back up and we were on our way…
My date was nice but painfully shy, he had no plans, didn't talk much and left me feeling exhausted after about 30 minutes. For all you sorority girls…it was worst than getting stuck talking to a mute Mormon during RUSH. As the night went on, I got text messages from my other friends that were out and just across the street. I grew very envious and wished I was with them instead of having to entertain Blind Froggy #1. I wrapped things up quickly after dinner and said I was feeling like a cold was coming on….for those who don't know, I loose my voice weekly, so it's an easy cop out….this works like a charm when calling in sick to work, and now it was an absolute gem for getting out of this date. (However it's a real pill for anyone trying to talk to me at a bar)…anyway, Froggy #1 takes the bait!
Before you know it, I'm escaping his ride home, calling to find out where my friends are, grabbing a cab, and being greeted with a large cocktail. I did feel a bit guilty, especially as I received a text from him saying "It was a great time, we should do it again!" No response was warranted. Where is Blind Froggy #1 now you ask???….well he went on to date a single mother with 2 children.
Bottle or Draft.
Bianca and Winter
No comments:
Post a Comment